The Father's Hand

It is another sad week we have to go through, I fail to fall pregnant again this cycle. Doctor told me I should consider IVF since I haven't been managed to fall pregnant from the few cycles via medication. However, we are not too comfortable with IVF.

Now it is the time to make the decision, whether we should go ahead with doctor's advice or give up treatment totally (I thought we wouldn't need to go throuh this). Only God knows what is the best. We are praying and asking Him for the wisdom to make the correct decision.

I came across an article few days ago, it starts with Romans 4:19 "Being not weak in faith, Abraham considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sarah's womb". In the natural mind, we know it is impossible for Abraham and Sarah to have a child. However, bible told us that Abraham didn't look at the impossible and wavy in His faith but continue to trust in the Lord's promise. Sarah however, took the matter into her hand by given her servant girl to Abraham so that she can gives them a child. She was acting on behalf for God. While going through this article and story of Abraham and Sarah, I started to ask myself whether I am Abraham or Sarah now, whether I am putting part of my faith on the treatment than 100% to the Lord. Now I am put into the situation whether I should give up the "tool" available and trust in the Lord bare handed.

The article continue to say that "the faith that pleases God is born in a place of deadness - deadness of all human possibilities". Thinking about it, it is so true. When we have other human way to get the results, we will rely on it rather than God because it is more visible than God's hands. But is it a real faith that God require?

This sentence in the article strike me "When you feel that the heavens are like brass when you pray, your requests falling to the ground, God's Spirit is actually working to get you to stop considering the impossibilities - to stop looking to human ways and means - to stop trying to think your way out of your situation." God, are you trying to tell me something? I need more confirmation, more words from You.

I wonder what tomorrow will be but I can just say that "being unto me according to Your words" because I know my life is ordained by God who loves me and know the best for me! Even I remain childless, I still have a loving husband and a loving Father in heaven!