The Father's Hand

We bought a basal thermometer and I start to chart my morning temperature since my last period to see the temperature fluctuation trend and know when I really ovulate. However, my chart looks weird, it is not a normal trend, I believe it could be caused by my Polycyctical Ovarian syndrome.

40 days passed, period yet to come. We thought that it could be a "good news" this time maybe, but I do not put too much hope on it knowing my own body condition. So I decided to wait for another maybe 2 weeks. By that time will be close to 60 days, if still no menstrual, I will take the pregnancy test. However, while waiting for these 2 weeks, my temperature just drop to the low range. If I am pregnant, the temperature should be in the high peak stay there until deliver (this is what all the medical book says)! I start to feel disappointed and sad. Sad that not only no "good news" but my menstrual is getting worse. Normally it is within a 40 days cycle. Weeks after weeks, still no menstrual, and there's no any sign of pregnancy, besides a bloating stomach and discomfort once in a while, and basal temperature remain low!

And now its close to 80 days!!!!! Breaking all the records of my menstrual cycle. What's wrong Lord, please tell me. You are my creator, You create my body, create every single organ inside my body, You know what's wrong. Can you tell me, at least let me know so that I can pray specifically and if need treatment I can take action soon. I start to tense up, start to wonder, ponder...."what happen inside my body?" God, I need Your response!

"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?". This is the "verse of the day" for me!And I received an email from Selwyn that God speaks to him in Romans 4:18-24 about us, about my body.

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification."

My God speaks to me, He is so real!!! Lord Jesus, I thank You for being so faithful and so real to us. You hear my cry, You hear my prayer. Thank you for reminding me again and again to believe in You. Yes, I get you Lord, the key word is "believe". Despite of all the adversity and unfavourable circumstances, I will trust in You, I will believe in what You have promise us. I consider my body as good as dead like Abraham, yet I will trust in You. Nothing is impossible as You have promise us. Medical can't work, human can't control, but You Lord is able to do all things. It is not easy I admit Lord, I need your strength to help me stand firm until everything become past.

This song ring in my head for the whole week, I believe it is not a coincidence but the whisper of God, the song from my soul to the faithful and wonderful Jesus that I serve and I love.