Saturday, April 04, 2009
I never imagine I will be able to experience nine month of pregnancy journey. I was diagnosed with infertility, went through half a year of fertility treatment yet nothing happened. Doctor told me to give up and to be frank at the end I decided to give up as well. 2 years of waiting and struggling to have a child is not fun. It is physically and emotionally torturing. I am glad that with the grace of God, I was able to come to a point where I am able to tell God, no matter what the outcome is, whether I will be childless or not, I know Your plan is the best for me even though I might not understand now. Well, this is the greatest breakthrough in my life. The burden in me which I had been carried it for 2 years dropped off and I felt like I am in cloud nine.
Then the miracle came. One of the week in June 2008, due to the continuous discomfort that I had, I accidentally discovered that I am pregnant!!! How can it be when doctor told me it could not happen? The only explanation is because I serve an impossible God. Nothing is impossible with Him and miracle still happen. He is able and willing. Later on I even get to know that my family and friends have been praying for me for a child!
So this starts my 9 months journey.
First 15 weeks was hard for me. I had severe morning sickness. Toilet bowl was my common visited place everyday. I lost 1 kg per week. This was the only time in my life I am able to lost weight so quickly and easily. I still remember I prayed and cried out for God's mercy. However, it is all worthy when I see my baby in the womb growing each day.
Second trimester was better but it started my weird craving. I craved for all the Penang food!!! And most of these food are so hard to get in Melbourne. Help me!!! I have to see pictures of these food online, imagine the taste each time my craving come. Sometimes Selwyn had to drive me all the down to Hawthorn just to eat a "taste like" Penang food! Then Selwyn lost his job, put us in a challenging financial situation. Thus, I have to control my craving, start cooking every meal at home. What I can say it, all these cravings can be controlled. Our mind is powerful, there is a will there is way. My craving stop right after that.
By the grace of God, Selwyn got a new job shortly after that. This enable us to make a trip to New Zealand during Christmas. We booked for the flight and made the planned 1 year ago. Thank God for His provision so that we don't have to forgo our tickets. That was a nice and relaxing trip for us, a pre-baby honeymoon so-called.
Everything grows oversize during third trimester. I thought it could be a easier trimester for me but apparently it wasn't. Selwyn lost his job again when my due date is just another month to go. I thought I could go back to work earlier after my delivery to help up financially but out of my surprise my HR told me it will be off peak period for the company. They only want me to go back to work in August! It means I have to take 3-4 months of unpaid!!! It was quite stressful initially, however looking back all these year, God has never fail us. He always provide in His time and walked us through. What make me think the different this time. To be frank, I have a total peace in me even now I am due and Selwyn is yet to get a job.
Ok, what make it hard for this trimester is the weight! Baby is getting bigger, I can feel it when I walk. I can't stand and walk long. I have legs cramp once in a while and sore feet. Now I am 40 weeks (yes, still waiting), my foot and hands started to swell but yet there is no sign for my labour. Parents started to call every night to ask what's going on. I reckon this is the most stressful time for us. We are so scare whenever we hear a phone ring. The lesson I learn here is never ever tell your parents the exact due date just in case you are overdue! Anyway, with the hard pressure at the lower tummy and butt cramp, body aching when sleep, I really wish baby will be more cooperate and come out right now! However, it is totally out of my control.
Waiting....another waiting. Waiting to have children, now waiting to deliver. Waiting is always painful. I just can't wait to hold my baby in my arm soon instead of carrying her weight in my womb and don't know when she is going to pop. When will be my labour? When will the baby born? This is the question I ask God everyday. In His perfect timing....I hope He can fulfill my heart desire.
