The Father's Hand

With a heavy heart I woke up this morning, crying out loud in my heart for another day of "nothing happen"!! While doing my daily devotion, I am so motivated with these sentences by George Matheson, the well-known blind preacher of Scotland:

"My dear God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses but not once for my thorns. I have always looked forward to the place where I will be rewarded for my cross, but I have never thought of my cross as a present glory itself. Teach me, Oh Lord, to glory in my cross. Teach me the value of my thorns. Show me how I have climbed to You through the path of pain. Show me it is through my tears I have seen my rainbows".

How true it is that I never ever thank God for the so-called suffering and hardship that I am in, instead blaming Him for the suffering. I only look for the blessing (roses) and once I have that we forgot how I get the "roses". God has challenged me to look back to what He has brought me through and appreciate all the hardship I have been through and I am in now, knowing that He has a glorious plan for me behind all these.

I didn't know waiting to deliver could be this stress until now. 40 weeks passed and nothing happen. No sign and no pain. On my knee I have been praying asking God to bring in the labour soon. I even did the pelvis rocking exercise as adviced my midwives and talked to the bub to ask her to come out soon. But yet nothing happen. Today is the 3rd day passed 40 weeks. We went to the midwives clinic for checkup and I requested for stretch and sweep. It was not only uncomfortable but painful as well. And the result is midwife told me she can't reach my cervix as it is still very high. What?!! After such a hurtful insert? Sighz.

Midwife booked me in for while range of fetal movement monitoring starting this weekend and induction end of next week. Yes, if nothing ever happen I need to wait till end of next week. Oh dear! I have to start monitoring the bub's movement everyday because after 40 weeks the bub might be in distress. But why the hospital wants to compromise the health of the bub for the natural birth? This is the question in my head. Anyway, I can only continue to wait and commit all these to the Lord. Trusting Him for His perfect timing. I believe that His timing is not to put me into such a complex and stressful medical procedure and induction.

When exactly I will be able to hold my beautiful baby in my arm and welcome her into our lives? Nobody know but only our Almighty God. Another faith testing moment but hey I serve a God who never fail me, never late, why should my faith waving this time?

I never imagine I will be able to experience nine month of pregnancy journey. I was diagnosed with infertility, went through half a year of fertility treatment yet nothing happened. Doctor told me to give up and to be frank at the end I decided to give up as well. 2 years of waiting and struggling to have a child is not fun. It is physically and emotionally torturing. I am glad that with the grace of God, I was able to come to a point where I am able to tell God, no matter what the outcome is, whether I will be childless or not, I know Your plan is the best for me even though I might not understand now. Well, this is the greatest breakthrough in my life. The burden in me which I had been carried it for 2 years dropped off and I felt like I am in cloud nine.

Then the miracle came. One of the week in June 2008, due to the continuous discomfort that I had, I accidentally discovered that I am pregnant!!! How can it be when doctor told me it could not happen? The only explanation is because I serve an impossible God. Nothing is impossible with Him and miracle still happen. He is able and willing. Later on I even get to know that my family and friends have been praying for me for a child!

So this starts my 9 months journey.

First 15 weeks was hard for me. I had severe morning sickness. Toilet bowl was my common visited place everyday. I lost 1 kg per week. This was the only time in my life I am able to lost weight so quickly and easily. I still remember I prayed and cried out for God's mercy. However, it is all worthy when I see my baby in the womb growing each day.

Second trimester was better but it started my weird craving. I craved for all the Penang food!!! And most of these food are so hard to get in Melbourne. Help me!!! I have to see pictures of these food online, imagine the taste each time my craving come. Sometimes Selwyn had to drive me all the down to Hawthorn just to eat a "taste like" Penang food! Then Selwyn lost his job, put us in a challenging financial situation. Thus, I have to control my craving, start cooking every meal at home. What I can say it, all these cravings can be controlled. Our mind is powerful, there is a will there is way. My craving stop right after that.

By the grace of God, Selwyn got a new job shortly after that. This enable us to make a trip to New Zealand during Christmas. We booked for the flight and made the planned 1 year ago. Thank God for His provision so that we don't have to forgo our tickets. That was a nice and relaxing trip for us, a pre-baby honeymoon so-called.

Everything grows oversize during third trimester. I thought it could be a easier trimester for me but apparently it wasn't. Selwyn lost his job again when my due date is just another month to go. I thought I could go back to work earlier after my delivery to help up financially but out of my surprise my HR told me it will be off peak period for the company. They only want me to go back to work in August! It means I have to take 3-4 months of unpaid!!! It was quite stressful initially, however looking back all these year, God has never fail us. He always provide in His time and walked us through. What make me think the different this time. To be frank, I have a total peace in me even now I am due and Selwyn is yet to get a job.

Ok, what make it hard for this trimester is the weight! Baby is getting bigger, I can feel it when I walk. I can't stand and walk long. I have legs cramp once in a while and sore feet. Now I am 40 weeks (yes, still waiting), my foot and hands started to swell but yet there is no sign for my labour. Parents started to call every night to ask what's going on. I reckon this is the most stressful time for us. We are so scare whenever we hear a phone ring. The lesson I learn here is never ever tell your parents the exact due date just in case you are overdue! Anyway, with the hard pressure at the lower tummy and butt cramp, body aching when sleep, I really wish baby will be more cooperate and come out right now! However, it is totally out of my control.

Waiting....another waiting. Waiting to have children, now waiting to deliver. Waiting is always painful. I just can't wait to hold my baby in my arm soon instead of carrying her weight in my womb and don't know when she is going to pop. When will be my labour? When will the baby born? This is the question I ask God everyday. In His perfect timing....I hope He can fulfill my heart desire.

Have been ages since I update this blog. This will be by "opening blog" for 2009 sharing my excitement of my new finding!!!
Yes, after searching for close to half a year in the net on apom manis recipe, I finally found the recipe!!!!

I have been craving for Apom Manis since I am in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy, perhaps because this is one of my regular breakfast during weekend back in Penang. So the most I can do when I am craving for apom manis is to google out the picture of my favourite penang apom and look at it, imagine how nice it tastes. But it is very torturing not being able to put the food in my mouth! Back in Penang it is so easy for me to get Apom Manis anywhere especially in the morning. But now I am so happy I am able to make it anytime at home when I want to eat. I can't believe it is that easy to make. It is just that I don't have the small pan like the one the hawkers are using in Penang. So my apom manis is supersize apom but who cares, as long as I can get to eat it, and the taste is so close to the one back home.

Here's the recipe if any of you guys interested to try out:

Ingredients – Makes 9 pieces
5 oz (150 g) rice flour
2/3 cup (180 ml) coconut milk
1/2 tsp dried yeast
1/2 tsp salt
4 Tbsp (60 g) granulated sugar
4 large eggs
1/3 cup (100 ml) water

Extracted from http://eheartrecipe.blogspot.com/2008/11/snack-apom-telur-manis-sweet-egg.html

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it! 'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question. 'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.' 'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now So how much does a miracle cost?' 'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little. 'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me ho w much it costs.' The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.' 'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago 'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly. 'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.' 'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. ' He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. 'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?' Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need. A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. I know you'll keep the ball moving! Here it goes. Throw it back to someone who means something to you! A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you.MY OATH TO YOU... When you are sad....I will dry your tears. When you are scared..... I will comfort your fears. When you are worried....I will give you hope. When you are confused..... I will help you cope. And when you are lost....And can't see the light, I shall be your beacon.... Shining ever so bright.

Signed: GOD

After less than one month, we went for the snow again...yes...another snow trip! Yeah, we don't have enough of snow yet this winter...hehe. Actually we just want a short break away during this long, cold, no holiday period. Since it is winter and I haven't been to Mt Buller during winter, we decided to make a 2 days trip there for sightseeing (I am advice by doctor not to ski anymore after I broke my knee few years back from my skiing trip!). After searching high and low for the accommodation, finally I managed to find one at Wotif with a very good deal - one night stay in the spa room with breakfast for less than $180!

Departed early in the morning, we managed to reach Mt Buller before noon. According to the report, the snow this year is the best ever at Mt Buller. Indeed there was thick and powerish snows covering the resort when we arrived! However, the weather was pretty bad. It started to hail before we reach the mountain, and when we reached the mountain, it started to snow. We were pretty excited at first when it snowed as we have been praying for it before the trip, but when it became windy, not only the visibility became bad, it was challenging even to walk with our eyes open wide! I guess the worse part was when we were taking the charit lift to the higher part of mountain. Against the wind with heavy snow, this was the first time both of us experience the "hit by the snow"! Our face were badly "attacked" by the snow when we go against the direction of the wind while taking the chair lift! Next, we even took up the challenge to walk top hill from one station point to another facing the strong windy and snowing time! We made it to the destiny however, the journey reminded me of the movie "The day after tomorrow" when the survivors were fighting again the storm to reach the library! The final challenge was to fix the chain into our car wheels before we drove back to the hotel. Even though the ski hire guy demostrated before to us, but it tooks us half an hour just to figure out what we should do and made the chain fit into the wheel! It was totally not a pleasant experience standing in a cold and snowy day fixing the chain! Despite all these, we did enjoy our sightseeing at Mt Buller, enjoyed the snow and the chair lift.

The highlight of the day was our time in the hotel. We jumped straight into the hot spa in our room after check in. We were enjoying our spa while watching the TV (there was TV in the bathroom!). After came back from dinner, we went for Sauna! The result - we had a warm night without needed to on the heater but have to on the fan instead!

Photos with cutie snow bunny & Bear

The first time I was introduced to Bibimbap was at one of the Korean restaurant in Penang and Shirley was the one who introduced me to this dish! Since then I have been crazy about Bibimbap. Whenever I have the opportunity to eat Korean food, Bibimbap is one of my "must eat" dishes. Few months ago I found the bibimbap recipe in the net. It seems quite easy to prepare. Last Thursday I decided to try out my first home made bibimbap using the leave over rice and vegetable I had in the fridge.

Last week, we bought Rachel to IKEA to get some of her room and kitchen stuffs. Since we were at Richmond area, we decided to try out this restaurant that we found in our Entertainment Book called Wild Oscar. It is a small restaurant, however they have a funcky design and atmosphere. Was impress us is their daily $12 set lunch. The menu ranging from pasta to fish, to burger to chicken. Moreover, we have 25% discount card! Since the value sounds great, we both order one of each set lunch. When our meal came, the portion was huge, at least for us girl! Not only that it was superbly delicious! We all loved the food & enjoyed the our lunch "fellowship" on that day.

We will definately go back again....see you again Wild Oscar!

My beef with toasted bread and sunny side up

Selwyn's chicken burger

(our request to exclude fries for mine & Selwyn's order, if not will be even bigger portion)

Rachel's fish & chips

Are you hungry now? Hehehe

Since it is Rachel's last week staying with us before she moves to her hostel, we decided to bring her to ski resort for some snow this weekend. After looking through the internet, the nearest ski resort we can think of is Lake Mountain. However, due to the limited time we have on Saturday (which is just half a day) and the expensive entrance fee, Rachel was struggling to make up her mind whether to go or not. Thus, we decided to search again for another near ski resort which charge cheaper entrance fee. After an hour on the internet, finally we found out a national park nearby for snow play - Mt Dona Buong.

Nasi lemak with sambal prawn, rendang, fried sardine and sambal ikan bilis

A month ago, I asked Shirley for the recipe of the strawberry mousse cheesecake. However, for the past few weeks, I can't even find time to try out this recipe until last Saturday when I was thinking of what to bring to life group. It is a very simple recipe and the instruction given is pretty easy as well. I went to shop for the ingredients and started to do it on Saturday. Rachel taught me to make my own strawberry puree - it is just the bend of pure strawberry, it is that easy! The whole process of making the cheesecake didn't take me more than 2 hours though!

After chilled overnight, I brought the cheesecake to the life group. Rachel helped me to take out the cake from the baking pan. It looked pretty alright. Too bad there are two pregnant ladies in the group that are unable to eat cheesecake. However, I have the rest of the group to be my Gennie pig! The result? Of course they like it!!! (if not I won't have blog it, he he). I am glad that it turns out well, even though it was not as nice as the one in Shirley's blog. Hope next time I can do a better cheesecake! Anyway, I really need to thank Shirley for her recipe! Thank you sis!!

Since the time I bought a fruit cocktail cake for Selwyn's birthday, I started to fall in love with this cake. I don't know why, maybe because of the nice fresh cream and the tenderness of the spounge cake.

2 week ago, Uncle Bernard and his family came to Melbourne for their PR first entry. We had the honour to host them for 17 days while they were here. We had a great time and fellowship together and of course GOOD FOOD everyday!

It is just the beginning of winter, but Melbourne or rather Victoria has been covered by the thick fog nearly everyday. Sometimes when I walk towards the bus stop in the morning, I barely can see anything beyond 100m. This foggy winter has caused a lot of car accidents on the road and delayed of the flight due to the poor condition to land.

I wonder how cold the winter will be this year. Even in the mid of Autumn, weather already drop down to below 18c, since then I rarely experienced any day above 20c not even 19c. Well, will wait and see, but most of all, have to prepare more clothes for this freezing winter.

This month has been the prawn mee month for us. The first prawn mee we had was I think at least 3 months back? This month we thought of cooking prawn mee and have some fellowship with our friends. Thus, we called on the "Malaysian night" invited our Malaysia friends to come over our place for the prawn mee. It was a great fellowship and thanks to "Richmond" everyone enjoyed their meal. We thought we would only have prawn mee again at least after a few months. However, little that we know, when Uncle Bernard and family came over this week, we cooked prawn mee again just to let them try out the prawn mee paste from Penang that they cannot get it from Penang! (Funny isn't it?)